For One Hour

Have I mentioned I've been drinking in Ann Voskamp's writing lately like a parched desert traveler who has just found water? My soul has been refreshed and encouraged and I'm thankful for her humble yet brave writing that chooses to spread God's fame. I feel like God had already been causing me to wrestle with what joy is and how do we fight for it amidst diaper changes and midnight feedings and messy kitchens and piles of laundry and....I could go on and on. It seems there is always something to discourage and dismay, and it's easy to get bogged down with problems, fears, and worries and miss the wonder and joy God provides in each moment. The more I think about it and ponder it, it seems joy is something we must fight for. It doesn't fall peacefully on us. What falls peacefully upon me is not always good. It's easy for me to peacefully believe I'm a failure and a hypocrite. I must fight to believe I'm loved and forgiven and a treasure. Gala...

This morning I woke up already frustrated. For the second day in a row I have set my alarm for six o'clock....p.m. The girls woke up early and played happily together, miraculously for almost two hours. I rolled out of bed at 7:45 to immediately feed the baby, then take requests from the girls for juice, snacks, help with handstands, etc. And I was annoyed. I barely got to enjoy my coffee before it turned cold. I snapped at everyone, feeling behind and defeated before the day even began. How are things always out of control? The kitchen looked like a bomb of markers and paper and breakfast dishes had exploded in it. What happened to the joy I had felt the night before as I had fallen asleep thankful for my precious children and husband, grateful to the Lord for such lavish blessings? The girls and I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit in school, and today's lesson was kindness. Ouch. I couldn't even bring myself to teach them, feeling like my behavior that ...

I just read this post over at Ann Voskamp's blog and it has encouraged me to write and revel and wrestle with what God is doing in this world and in my world. This is my fourth blog in as many years. My first blog was a small record of my sweet little one's lives, Joseph and Holly. I didn't even write much on there...just posted pictures. I didn't write because I thought, "Who would want to read my thoughts? I'm just taking care of two little kids every day and why would anyone care for my commentary on that?" Then November of 2007 happened. I was living my small little life with my small little kids when something very big happened to him and to us. My unimportant job suddenly became very important. My words became the conveyor of important information. We found out our precious firstborn son, Joseph, had a large brain tumor in his brain stem and cerebellum. Our lives flew into a flurry of surgeries, hospital stays, flights, moves, and devastating...

When I imagine a picture of a strong woman, this is usually what I come up with:   Or maybe this: Either way, this woman has definitely had time to shower, comes across calm and together, and makes time to stay physically fit. My picture is usually not this: But the longer I'm alive, the more convinced I am that this is where real strength lies: Complete dependence. Not on yourself. Not on others. But on Him. We don't have it in us. Others don't have it in them. The only safe place for the depths of our sorrows, pain, burdens, and joys is in His arms. I love this verse in Jeremiah: (verses 7-8) "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Oh, how I long to be a tree planted by the water, conti...

My first blog post on a brand new blog. My 6th grade math teacher had a sign on her wall that read "Begin! The rest is easy..." So, that is what I'm doing...beginning. My two girls are running around and Noah is waking up so this won't be long. My hope is that this will be somewhere I write early in the morning, before the littles stir and the demands of the day begin. I hope it will still be dark outside and I will suddenly look up and notice the sun shining in on me. I hope it will be a place to feed my soul with the Word of God and record what I'm learning in the hopes it will be an encouragement to some. That I could stay awake "for one hour" as Jesus asked his disciples, keeping watch for my Savior. So long, time to turn the TV off...