Freedom from Formulas

Recently, I was in two different situations where my children reminded me of a powerful truth that I had forgotten in the moment, but had, by Gods grace, taught them along the way. One was while helping my son search for a beloved lost toy. I was giving instructions on where to look, how to look and why he needs to keep track of his things—and he looked at me and said, “Can we just pray?!”

Then just this morning another child was feeling anxious about a big test and I was trying to give her encouragement and she quietly asked, “Will you pray for me?”

It gave me so much joy that despite my flawed and lacking parenting, the Lord had preserved this message we have taught them: that God cares about every detail of our lives and so we can and should talk to him about everything. 

We did not find the toy and I’m not sure how the test will turn out but we do know our loving Father sees, cares and wants to hear what’s on our hearts—regardless of outcomes.

A lot of times I’ll hear a younger mom talk about wanting to do better at reading the Bible to her kids, teaching them Scripture memory, etc. And what I’ve heard numerous times from older moms is the response: “There’s no magic formula.” I’m going to believe that the intention behind the statement is good, that these older moms are trying to relieve some weight or responsibility from the young mom who might erroneously thing it’s all up to her to save her children.

But unfortunately I think the message that gets conveyed is that since there’s no magic formula just don’t bother. Perhaps they thought they “did all the right things” and their children are not walking with the Lord. So the logic is that it didn’t work for them so don’t get your hopes up it will work for you.

But what if the same young mom asks about healthy eating habits and providing healthy snacks and meals for her kids? I think we all know our children will grow up and make their own decisions about healthy eating and exercise—and it may not be what we have taught them. But would we ever say to this young mom, “There’s no magic formula. Just give them pop tarts and skittles.” I would hope not! The healthy food and exercise do their work in the moment and in that child’s future, whether or not he/she continues the habit into adulthood. He or she still might develop cancer or become overweight but I don’t think anyone regrets giving their child healthy food and opportunity to exercise.

I believe it’s the same thing with feeding our kids spiritually. We do it because we delight in seeing them drink in the truth of God’s word. It is never bad for them, and truly it’s our only hope both in this life and the next. 

As someone who has lost a young child to cancer I’m firmly grounded in the reality that things don’t always turn out the way we hope and that we have very little control over our children’s future. I make innumerable mistakes in parenting every single day but one thing I know I will never regret is  teaching them to love and trust the Lord.

It is good for ME to think through deep truths and understand them so well I can make them clear to a child. And it’s good for them both to hear the truths and hear me believing these truths. Like it or not, our children are following us  and what greater gift can we give them than to see us living an imperfect life in the light of Gods perfect grace? 

THIS is the message these young moms want to pass on to their kids. Let’s throw away any ideas of perfect formulas and encourage them in ways they can water the seed of truth in their kids’ lives. It’s a beautiful thing!

And if you’re an older mom who has the deep pain of seeing a child walk away from the Lord please know my heart hurts for you. I pray it won’t be but that could be my story one day. But we need each other to remind each other our kids our in the Lord’s hands and He will lead and guide them in His time. Their story is still being written!