Real Discipline

We were gathered in my kitchen, us happy women, away from our normal duties to have some wine, dinner, and discuss our book. The conversation was light and bursts of laughter punctuated the low roar of fun and conversation.
The verdict was that the last book was the pits. No one liked it, the main character was evil and depressing, and the author was too verbose.
This smiling lady standing next to me had missed the last book club and spoke her mind to me: "I felt so sorry for this man."
This had not been the general opinion at the last meeting. Most of us hated him.
I waited for her to go on.
"I just wonder what he would have been like if his parents had cared enough to discipline him."
(This man was a ruthless killer and manipulator and seemed to have no remorse for his actions.)
Hmmm...an interesting thought.
"I mean, he was such a creative, talented person, but his parents put absolutely no limits on him. They just didn't care."
She then went on to reminisce about her own childhood and how her parents disciplined her and were so "mean" sometimes they would make her cry. She says all this with the deepest love and gratitude in her voice. "They really loved me."
It was then a lightbulb went off in this dim head. Making someone happy does not equal love.
Let me say that again (for my own benefit): Making someone happy does not equal love.
Sometimes making them the most frustrated, angry and teary is exactly what they need to be really loved.
In the book of Hebrews (12), the author says this:
" For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
It also says that the Lord disciplines those he loves and chastises all whom he accepts as a child.
This conversation and this chapter of Hebrews reminded me (again) the importance of discipline with my own kids. To be honest, sometimes I'm just so tired or distracted that I get lax with discipline. I will let my kids talk back, be unkind to each other, or disobey without consequences simply because it takes too much effort on my part.
But through this conversation, I think the Lord was gently reminding me that discipline is the mark of a loving parent. If I don't discipline, I am saying with my actions that I just don't care. I'm so glad my parents cared enough to exert the effort to meet my disobedience with consequences. And I'm so glad our Heavenly Father disciples us through life with hardship and trials to conform us to the image of His Son.
Could it be that my kids will actually feel safer and more loved if they are met with consistent limits? I pray that God gives me the grace (and energy) to discipline as a loving parent.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Miracle

A few weekends ago, the good doctor and I headed to a grieving couples retreat led by Nancy and David Guthrie. I must say that when we initially heard about it we thought, "We need this. Yes! Let's do it." Then, the week before the retreat both of us were thinking, "What are we doing? Can we get out of this??" Not really knowing what to expect, we showed up Friday night to a room full of couples who had also experienced the same devastating loss we had: losing a beloved child. Looking around at each couple, it was hard to believe each of them had felt or was feeling the same sadness we had felt. As we shared stories that night and Saturday morning, my heart was burdened for each of them as I listened and saw the courage they had, the pain the carried, and the hope that drew them forward. Each story was different, yet out of ten couples, one thing was the same: an unswerving faith and trust in God. To be perfectly honest, this absolutely shocked me. I think I...
Read more

Freedom from Formulas

Recently, I was in two different situations where my children reminded me of a powerful truth that I had forgotten in the moment, but had, by Gods grace, taught them along the way. One was while helping my son search for a beloved lost toy. I was giving instructions on where to look, how to look and why he needs to keep track of his things—and he looked at me and said, “Can we just pray?!” Then just this morning another child was feeling anxious about a big test and I was trying to give her encouragement and she quietly asked, “Will you pray for me?” It gave me so much joy that despite my flawed and lacking parenting, the Lord had preserved this message we have taught them: that God cares about every detail of our lives and so we can and should talk to him about everything.  We did not find the toy and I’m not sure how the test will turn out but we do know our loving Father sees, cares and wants to hear what’s on our hearts—regardless of outcomes. A lot of times I’ll...
Read more

Rain and growth

One of the hard things for me about where we live is that once we pass winter and I'm eager to get outside in the springtime, my allergies hit! So the one thing I'd love to do after a long cold winter actually makes me feel horrible (allergy medicine definitely helps!). I was out walking recently after it had rained a lot and my allergies were not acting up. I thought to myself, "The rain must have covered up the pollen or something because I'm not reacting to anything." Then my next thought was, "But I know what rain does--feeds those flowers and trees and eventually will cause even greater growth!" It made me think about seasons in our life--sometimes we look around and all we see is gray and cold and rainy weather. It can be hard to imagine it will ever change. Then, out of nowhere, this beautiful new growth appears, stronger and more beautiful than we could even fathom. I think in the Christian life, the Lord consistently sends trials (or rain) to H...
Read more