Beating Back the Dark

I've been thinking about shame a lot lately. It is a word I hear a lot around the church. I've always thought of it as something you feel when you've done something wrong, and I think it does apply there. But we may also feel it about ourselves in ways that don't relate to guilt.

I had lunch with a vibrant, brave, joyful friend recently who has walked through really hard times in the last few years. I think she could be fearful and ashamed of what has happened in her life. But instead I see in her this clinging to Jesus and this joyful belief that He is her defender and He lifts her head. She has done the hard work of seeking out godly counsel and seeking out forgiveness and seeking out ways she needs to fight sin in herself.

I think sometimes the sum of all we've done and all that's happened to us results in a cloak of shame hanging over the real person we are. We are not really sure why it is we feel ashamed, but there must be some fault in us that has caused all these hard things that have happened. Maybe we don't think those words clearly but it's just a feeling we have all the time.

My friend asked me if I've been writing at all. She is very kind and encourages me in this. I told her I have this secret blog, but it is more for me. To be honest, I confessed, I feel a deep shame about my writing. She looked at me seriously and said, "I have no doubt that is from Satan. I can see being insecure about grammar or whatnot, but to feel ashamed about a way God has gifted you is definitely from His enemy."

Hearing that truth from her suddenly made me really angry. Angry that I'd been convinced in my head that writing was somehow foolish or self-indulgent or self-promoting, when in reality writing is natural to me as breathing and it helps me process what God is teaching me and how He is speaking to me. I can process things through writing that hours worth of talking would not accomplish. Writing helps me beat back the dark.

Are there things you feel ashamed about that have nothing to do with sin? I would encourage you to consider if it's actually something God has gifted you with and wants to use for His glory? Do you love children? Writing? Writing songs? Painting? The world needs your gift. The world needs warriors of light who will beat back the dark through beauty.

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