Joy in the morning

This morning I woke up already frustrated.
For the second day in a row I have set my alarm for six o'clock....p.m.
The girls woke up early and played happily together, miraculously for almost two hours. I rolled out of bed at 7:45 to immediately feed the baby, then take requests from the girls for juice, snacks, help with handstands, etc.
And I was annoyed.
I barely got to enjoy my coffee before it turned cold.
I snapped at everyone, feeling behind and defeated before the day even began.
How are things always out of control? The kitchen looked like a bomb of markers and paper and breakfast dishes had exploded in it.
What happened to the joy I had felt the night before as I had fallen asleep thankful for my precious children and husband, grateful to the Lord for such lavish blessings?
The girls and I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit in school, and today's lesson was kindness.
Ouch.
I couldn't even bring myself to teach them, feeling like my behavior that morning denied any truth my mouth could speak.
The good doctor had the idea to rake some leaves, so this irritated soul decided to join in and see if the fresh air did me any good. (I like to believe he finds raking leaves in early fall satisfying and fun...not a welcome escape from grumpy family members.)
This is the scene that greeted me:
 
 

It was pure joy. Messy, wild, uncontrolled joy. Piling up leaves even as more fall down on us. 
And my heart was warmed. Thankful for the reminder that beauty does not lie in control, but in surrender. That a fruitful day doesn't have to start in the fashion I choose it to. That real success is seeing the beauty God places in us and around us.
Even as we jumped in and piled up leaves, thoughtful Holly became quiet and stopped jumping in leaves as June continued to.  I wondered if trouble was stirring in her heart. Was she feeling scared of something? Angry? Maybe left out of the fun?
She ran inside and my heart sank as I thought, "I'm going to need to talk with her and figure out what's wrong. I wish she would just come play and be part of the fun."
About five minutes later we piled inside and there was Holly, looking so pleased and excited with this in front of her:
She had created little snack bowls for each of us, with our initials on them, and a glass of ice water as well. I was so touched and told her what a blessing that was to me. She asked, "Blessing?" and I replied that it was a good gift.
Then, in her non-chalant, grown-up way, she said, "Oh. I think I just got joy."
It was all I could do to keep my face from cracking in laughter.
But I was thankful that I, too, had "gotten joy" from this day...that God pursued me with beauty and kindness, and that joy won out over despair.

"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5




Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 24, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    Hi there. Visiting from Ann's blog & so glad to have found your blog... You have no idea how much I identify with this post! You beautifully articulate what many of my ugly mornings look like. Fighting for that joy. I think pressing on and pressing in for the joy, knowing He offers it, that helps me in my bitter/angry/irritated moments. Thanks so much for the encouragement today, new friend :)
    blessings,
    lauren
    mercyinkblog.com

    ReplyDelete

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